1. I'm a heels-and-jeans type of girl, which means no matter the function,
that's what I'm wearing. I find myself looking overdressed mostly,
incredibly under-dressed frequently, and perfectly dressed rarely.
2. I find babies to be mundane. And slightly scary.
3. Two things I wish I could put on my resume, but don't: I'm fantastic at wasting time and phenomenal at bullshitting.
4. I think the term "Buried Alive" should be carved on the epitaph of my tombstone.
5. I'm freakishly good at misplacing things.
6. Oh, and cuddling puppies.. I'm freakishly good at that, too.
7. I gave Oregon State University almost seven years of my life and about $90,000; you're damn right I'm a Beaver (regardless of their sports teams' performances).
8. If you're acting like a douche, I'll tell you. It's that simple.
9. I'm bored of birds being on everything.
10. If I could sit down with my 15-year-old self, I would tell her: "Throw rocks at boys." "Your jeans are too low." "Keep wearing your retainer." "Oh hey, nice Doc Martens."
11. I have a strong sense of urgency to learn how to hustle at obscure talents, like being amazing at Skee ball or playing the triangle like Mozart.
12. I get my best ideas whilst sitting on top of the counter.
13. Using words like "whilst" makes me feel silly, not smart.
14. I don't like my feet dangling, so I will pout if I have to sit on bar stools.
15. I sit on the floor of the tub when I shower.
16. I once broke into an empty house on the market to use its restroom.
17. And yes, it was number 2.
18. I text with both hands.
19. I drink canned beer through a straw if I'm at home.
20. I'm not nearly as tall as I think I am.
21. I don't like to get even, but I do like getting odd.
22. I think speed limits are always incorrect.
23. I give names to inanimate objects.
24. I give nicknames to people that have nothing to do with anything.
25. I tend to give things animal-like descriptions, so if you hear me
describing something as a bear flu or referring to your hands as paws,
don't mind me.
26. I can't drink ice water without a straw without spilling it down my face, neck and chest.
27. I like to bring up poop in general conversations just to make people feel uncomfortable.
28. I don't remember a thing I learned in D.A.R.E.
29. I never know what to do with my hands.
30. I swear more than your average broad.
31. Oh yeah, I'm somewhere between a chick and a broad.
32. Every day is a new opportunity for me to spill something on myself.
33. I crawl over the equipment at my job like they are part of a jungle gym.
34. My work-husband is cooler than your work-husband.
35. I've gotten my dog drunk before.
36. Talking on the phone makes my face turn numb.
37. I like kids cereal late at night and only late at night.
38. I really don't know how to work a microwave.
39. I believe God has a sense of humor.
40. I've come to realize at the ripe age of 27, my thighs will probably always brush against one another when I run no matter how much I work out.
41. There may be few things in life that provoke more joy than mooning an unsuspecting person.
42. I survived rolling my car four times going 112 mph, so I know the death of me will be something ridiculous like choking on my gum or getting suffocated by a plantation of lady bugs.
43. I don't like sliced bread.
44. I don't shut the door when I use the restroom. And sometimes I forget even if I'm at someone else's home.
45. Most days I forget whether or not I've put on underwear.
46. If I have for one second a question as to how to pronounce your name or how to spell it, I will call you something else entirely.
47. I think if you're a man and can't drive a manual transmission, you may as well turn in one of your balls.
48. I can't say the word "wolf" without really concentrating.
49. I'm one of those people who isn't great at any one thing, but average at most things I try. It's actually quite annoying.
50. I am really good, I mean, really good, at exasperating
men. It doesn't matter who you are to me. I can run
you around in circles, confuse the hell out of you, and mentally exhaust
every ounce of your patience... if I want.
